Thursday, July 31, 2008
As I sat on the edge of the cliff and looked out over the grand, breathtaking beyond, I dropped my head in a silent prayer and thanked God for not only everything I was seeing, but also for managing to find time to watch over and protect a pointless, self-loathing piece of uselessness that I am. I had to give Him big ups for always, seemingly regardless of the situation, maintaining a silent, yet noticeable, vigil over me. And yet, as I prayed hard enough to literally have tears well up in my tired eyes, I knew the very reason why I was sitting on the precipice of this endless abyss.
It had come time for my life to prematurely cease its monotonous course. I had arrived at this specific spot to walk off this mortal coil by diving into the chasm below, resulting in what was most evidently going to be a painful demise. And yet, I gave my fullest of thanks and appreciation to the Lord and begged upon begged for his forgiveness and appraisal. I was sure I'd get it, but the sad fact still remained: my life, as I had known it, was about to end.
But, as I lay there wallowing in such thick and palpable self deprecation, He appeared before me so enormous, so stunningly massive as to fill the sky and Heavens alike. He didn't roar in like the approaching thunder of a rapidly roiling storm, nor did He sneak in like the most silent butterfly. No, He just became into my view. He was proud, but not full of pride, He was there, yet as transparent as the air, and He was glorious, yet not glamorous. And He spoke. And as He did, it filled my head, my ears, and my senses.
"When it all comes down to it, the very life I afforded you means just as much to me as the lives of those trapped in a lifeless Purgatory, as well as those seemingly without rancor, malice, want, need, desire, or insurmountable daily tribulations. Yet, as an individual, I show each and every one of my children a special, personal love. Please, live on, spread my word and your love, as it, too, is my gift."
I knew then, no matter how far I'd fallen, no matter how deeply I'd dug the very hole from which I could never recover, God always has an answer. And so, as I stared out beyond the rolling hills, jagged rocks, and capped mountains, I sighed with the deepest relief from my very soul, and enjoyed the view.